Exploring Self-help the Smart Way.

If one of your goals this year is to improve yourself, congratulations! The best way to make the world better is to start with oneself. If you are new to the journey of self-improvement, most of the advice out there will seem reasonable. Nevertheless, as you learn more, it is imperative to become wise on how to consume this information and, more importantly, how to make it actionable.

I have been reading “self-help” – my preferred term is self-improvement – books for at least twenty years. Although I started reading some of this material early in my professional career, the turning point came when I started looking for resources for the individuals I served as a crisis counselor. My initial interest ranged from spiritual and mindful practices to understanding trauma and mental health. Later because of my nonprofit executive and MBA training, I progressed towards people and organizational management, team building, and leadership. I have read countless organizational and self-development books. I have also watched an infinite number of interviews, Ted Talks, listened to Podcasts, attended seminars, explored many spiritual paths, and even engaged in a costly semi-cult, pyramid scheme style training. Although this learning has benefited my life greatly, my main drive has been my eternal curiosity about human nature, cognitive processes, and the connection between feelings and thinking.

As an avid consumer of the “self-help” genre, I have also been able to spot the methods self-help gurus use to profit from their wisdom. Of course, there is nothing wrong with selling one’s expertise. People who find a better way to do things are entitled to make a living out of their knowledge and talents. However, it is essential to be careful about investing your time and hard-earned money in personal growth.

Whether you follow personalities as intense as Tony Robbins or people who base their work on years of research like Brené Brown, I am here to provide you with some advice on how to consume the self-help products wisely.

1. Be cautious of the quick-step solution.

The quick fix is a strategy that most self-help experts will use to catch your attention “follow the ABC method,” “how to fix a problem with three simple steps,” or “how to reach your goals by focusing on one thing only.” It is tempting to be caught by these headlines because we would prefer someone to give us a recipe with clear instructions to follow as a solution. Nevertheless, personal improvement is a long journey, not something that can be fixed in a three-step program or a seminar.

When you see a headline with this sort of language, remember that this is not the entire solution. The goal is to give you a little taste so then you buy the whole offering later. It is a simple marketing strategy in which you find the customer’s dilemma and tell them how you can help them alleviate the stress this issue causes them. Anyone who has ever taken a marketing class knows this formula. Yet, we fail to recognize it when it is applied to us. Thus, the self-improvement marketing team offers you part of the solution by presenting a partial piece of advice, a guide you can download, or a free webinar. Your later investment might be a book, a workbook or organizer, or a complete weeklong seminar that requires you to use your vacation time, pay a hefty fee, a flight ticket, and a hotel stay. In any instance, you will learn something valuable that can take you a step further in your search for wellbeing. Nevertheless, you must do your homework and understand the full implications of engaging in any personal development program.

2. One person’s idea is not the whole picture.

It is essential to consider there are many paths to find self-improvement. I recently listened to two books by two authors that spoke precisely about the same issue. Their approach was different, but they presented similar information. Nowadays, there is hardly any unique content. Most of the information we consume is recycled, repackaged, and redesigned. Some authors develop original content based on their research or their unique viewpoint. But even these authors may recycle their knowledge because this is how the publishing industry works. When someone signs a three-book deal, and deadlines are pressuring, they can only bring so much originality. Therefore, you can expect lots of repeated information. Before getting yourself hooked up in one specific practice, a good approach is to continue investigating what else is out there. You will very likely find better, cheaper, or even free material to continue your exploration without hurting your budget.

3. Changing words to mean something else.

How we name things helps us correlate ideas to feelings and feelings to ideas. It is not uncommon for the self-help expert to name things differently from the rest of society. This is something not everyone readily accepts because it makes those who do not understand that language feel like an outsider, and those who have learned it, members of an exclusive élite. For example, higher-end products not only sell their “better than average” merchandise but also, by using select language to brand it, sell the feeling that you are part of a privileged group of individuals. If you’ve ever ordered a “medium” instead of a “grande” at Starbucks, you understand being an outsider of this group. There is no need to reinvent the wheel when it comes to ideas. Language already possesses plenty of choices that allow everyone to understand a concept. When I write my articles, my goal is to translate ideas that might seem very complicated to language anyone can understand and relate to. If you are looking for personal transformation, be sure that the language being used does not separate you from the rest of society. Those who feel left out will be less likely to want to hear about your newly learned insights.

4. Paralysis by over-analysis.

It is also very common to get stuck in the ideas but never actually make the changes we desire. It is difficult to break old habits. When you engage in self-development, try to implement one small transformation at a time. Trying to change all you are can be overwhelming and take you down a road of disappointment and self-flagellation. Start small. As I said before, the road to self-improvement can be long but rewarding when years later, you realize those improvements have made your life better.

5. Not everyone that is giving you advice is qualified to do so.

In the last decade, the coaching profession has grown exponentially. Coaches are becoming the next big thing with the pandemic and the problematic access to mental health. Nevertheless, not everyone who says they are a coach has certifiable coaching training. Many unscrupulous self-help gurus offer short training that does not prepare regular individuals with the knowledge, skills, and practice they need to perform this profession. Furthermore, the industry is not regulated enough to demand established credentials to practice as a coach. Some people are naturally gifted in this area. Still, it is essential to understand that when working with people at that level, individuals are walking a fine line between empowering their clients and hitting cords that might surface traumas and deep-rooted heartaches. It can be dangerous for a person without mental health training to even attempt to help in that area, and certified coaches know so. Also, coaching has become a catchword that is being used for practices that are far from it. When searching for self-improvement, be sure to work with individuals whose background and experience are credible. More importantly, work with someone who is a good match for you, can relate to your experience, and keep their ego in check.   

One last piece of advice. When I started applying some of the self-help material I was learning, the most challenging part was to get in touch with my feelings. I needed professional help for that. In our highly intellectualized society, thinking is favored over feeling. We learn to rationalize why we do things. Unless you are willing to search deeper within yourself to find what motivates you and what stops you from acting, the changes you make will probably be challenging to maintain. Be courageous, release yourself from unrealistic expectations, and do not forget to enjoy the journey.