How to make your goals to work for you.

As the end of the year approaches, we tend to evaluate our accomplishments and reflect on the projects that we put on the side. For Mother Nature, there is not much difference between December 31st and January 1st. For us, however, the date change means end-of-year reports, budgets, company profit estimations, taxes, and deadlines. This mindset of closing chapters and opening new ones naturally makes us inclined to re-evaluate and re-set our personal goals.

Most of us have probably felt that the last two years have been a succession of months in which the focus was getting through the day or managing the crisis at hand. This narrative was especially true for people dedicated to responding to the needs of the community. Healthcare providers, community and essential workers, and leaders in charge of making significant decisions like distributing funds and vaccine mandates had to embrace uncertainty. Also, the job market changes stretched our resources because individuals reshuffled their work and personal life priorities. There has been loss and grieving. The shift in socialization and connection with others, as we knew it, contributed to this experience. Sudden cancellations of small and big plans, lack of resources, and limitations on mobility made us feel like we had no autonomy. As a result, the decline in mental health became one of the significant indicators of our times.

Although these circumstances can be overwhelming, it is crucial to consider that there is always the option to choose how to progress towards our goals. 

Holocaust survivor and psychologist Dr. Victor Frankl famously wrote “Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.” His insight is precious, but it takes a good share of resiliency to recognize when the opportunity to shift perspectives appears. Preparing for the unexpected when thinking about the future is perhaps the best we can do to continue our journeys with hope.

There are many techniques to setting goals. For example, we can think of them by considering our long-term objectives and subdividing them into smaller steps that will help us get there. This subdivision will take away those big dreams’ overwhelming feelings and provide us with small victories along the way. The SMART goal setting method (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound) make our goals precise and attainable. There are objectives and key results, goal framing, habit builders, etc.

Nevertheless, our traditional ways of setting goals hardly prepare us for the unexpected. Seeing your objectives through lenses that help us define success more flexibly can be a significant step. Here are a few approaches that can help you:

1. Understand the real motivation behind the goal you are setting. Many of us set up goals following a need to prove ourselves to others. A plan set with the wrong foundation will ultimately be unsuccessful because the energy invested is associated with negative feelings about us or the world. For example, pursuing fitness to obtain a body to fit the current cultural standards will rarely make us feel that any results are good enough because this desire is not driven by self-acceptance. If, on the other hand, we love ourselves as we are, but want to obtain more energy or a healthier lifestyle, the experience of physical exercise will be more rewarding. As a result, the motivation will last longer.
2. Accept change. Embracing uncertainty can be challenging because our human nature demands stability and predictability. Disliking change is the norm, but fighting it makes our lives very difficult. Since change is an inevitable part of life, living with a more flexible mentality can save us a lot of self-inflicted suffering. Likewise, accepting that our plans might change will allow us to think of alternative options and other possible outcomes.
3. Set realistic goals for yourself.  Stretching yourself thin when your goals are too big can set you up for disappointment. There is much advice telling us to reach higher and dream big. Yes, believing that we can accomplish more is always a good motivation, but we must be careful not to let this belief become a deterrent to our inspiration. Asking yourself the following three questions can be helpful when setting a realistic goal: What is my ideal outcome? What is the minimum I could accomplish? What is a satisfactory result for me? Your acceptable result is the right “for you” goal. It should give you satisfaction, even if you cannot reach the ideal dream.
4. Evaluate your resources and support system. Our western culture glorifies the idea of the lone rangers. These heroes can take down a big army or dismantle an unjust system all by themselves, but in real life, that rarely happens. Every person needs a support system to attain success. We all need a hand, someone who cheers us and can candidly tell us when we are putting too much pressure on ourselves. Surround yourself with those who can support your dreams, keep you honest and think about what resources you need to get where you want to be. If there is no one that you can think of in your life now, professionally certified life coaches have special training to help you identify resources and support systems.
5. Think, what could keep me from completing this goal? There is always the possibility that obstacles will show up on your journey. You might want to go back to school, but your finances might be tight. You might want to grow your family, but your health might act up. You might want to travel the world, but international restrictions and regulations might not be in your favor. Considering these factors could help you avoid disappointment and think of a “plan B” for when things do not work out exactly as you planned. 
6. When things change, think what is the worst that can happen? This question has been one of the most valuable tools taught to me over the years. When things are not working out, think: what is the worst that can happen? And when you have an answer, think again what is the worst that can happen? Continue to do so until your thoughts are so catastrophic that you realize the absurdity of your worries. Spoiler alert, 98% of the time, the final worst that can happen will be “and no one will love me,” which ultimately points out our biggest desire and motivation in life, a need to belong and be loved.

So now that the world has changed on us, as we continue to long for things to go back the way they used to be, how do we plan from here? I think that keeping an open approach and a flexible destination can go a long way. Perhaps when you look back you will realize how much you advanced. Even if the result is not exactly as you imagined, enjoy the journey, you will always end up where you were meant to be.